Butterflies in my stomach

Since I’m a girl, people will expect me to have read all sorts of fairy tales about prince charmings and love and romance and all that bullshit. Yeah well, whadaya know, I have. I watch tv shows where people fall in love in the most ridiculous ways that probably won’t ever happen in real life.

Like let’s see, a pretty blonde girl walks out of the classroom and nearly gets run down by the careless janitor driving his floor cleaner at a speed just slightly slower than a ferrari. A cute guy pops up out of nowhere to pull the girl, by the waist of course, out of harm’s way. He looks at her, she looks at him, and they’re all of a few millimetres apart.

Oh, and throw in a mistletoe on the ceiling, why don’t you.

After being exposed to all these drama, I want to experience that too. I want to know how it feels like to have a guy try his best to win my heart. The exhilaration of a first love. The excitement of the first kiss. The hearts pounding against each other when we gaze into each other’s eyes. I’m not saying it has to be with another guy. There are couples all over world who are falling in renewed love all over again with their partners.

Of course, the best feeling in the world has got to be the simultaneous guilt and delight of the forbidden kiss with a cute guy who happens not to be your boyfriend.

If only that has ever happened to me. But alas, the “cute” part of the guy was obviously 100% awol.

I want to experience that heart pounding, body trembling, something-is-wrong-with-my-lungs-and-I-can’t-breath feeling that comes with meeting a new guy and having him turn on that dashing, knee-weakening charm just for me. I want all those emotions that said boyfriend has never once given me the chance to experience.

(Ok, maybe once or twice. Not enough!) 

Said boyfriend has never really needed to put in any effort. There was no courtship whatsoever. There was no exciting chase. No butterflies in my stomach. I once told my mom he’s shy. She replied, “他怎么会害羞? 害羞哪会敢来追你?“

The one time I practically threw him the chance to prove that he wants me, he was all willing to give me away, saying that it’s for my own happiness.

Puh-lease. Apparently his laziness to do anything to keep me by his side won the battle against his love.

Maybe the perpetual lack of action on his part is his way of letting me know this is all one sided. Which is very likely, because when I think about it, he would probably never have developed any feelings for me if I didn’t get up the courage to be his friend. Thus this is merely induced love.

So right now, I feel completely justified if I were ever to fool around with a cute, proactive, older university guy while he’s in the army.